Why do we resist the advice we are given?

Before I start my workday, I like to listen to tarot and channeling from my favorite readers. I do this to stay positive, especially when life can be challenging. Interestingly enough, I will take in really good information that I needed to hear and know is good for me, but I won’t necessarily act on what I heard (although I am working on this one!) I know I’m not the only one who does this, and it prompted me to ask myself “Why do Humans often resist advice?” I have some thoughts after researching this topic. 😊

One of the key reasons is that people have a strong need for autonomy and control over their lives. Advice, especially unsolicited, can feel like an infringement on their independence, making them resist it to assert their personal agency. And I want to take this a little bit further for my spiritually minded audience as something to consider. I used to blurt out the intuitive promptings I received and while they might have been right for the person, it didn’t necessarily mean that person wanted to hear it or was even in a place to appreciate the information. Think hard before sharing – not because you are wrong to do so – but because it may be important for that person to figure some of this out on their own (helps build trust in their own promptings). It is a different thing when you are asked for your intuitive promptings.

Which leads to the next reason why advice is ignored – people may reject advice if it conflicts with beliefs, attitudes, or decisions. This is known as cognitive dissonance and resistance come because the person wants to avoid admitting that they may be wrong or need to change. This is pretty prevalent right now and spurs the continued polarization of attitudes many have at this time. However, this can be addressed if you have a nuanced conversation based on listening carefully to what the other is saying and not being triggered by what is being said. My son shared an artful conversation he had with someone who held rigid political ideas and how, by the end of the discussion, he had found common ground with the person so that both he and that person had a more meaningful connection.

We live in an age where there appears to be a lot happening to trigger people (I have thoughts about why, but that will be another post). Because of this environment, advice, even well-meaning, can sometimes feel like criticism, especially if it suggests we’re not handling things well. Our ego may resist advice to protect our self-esteem or self-identity, particularly if we see ourselves as capable or knowledgeable in that area.

Another reason why advice might be ignored is that people can become emotionally attached to their choices, especially if they have invested a lot of time, energy, or emotions into them. Changing course can feel like a loss, so advice that suggests altering direction can feel difficult to embrace.

Even well-intentioned advice can mean change and change often brings uncertainty or risk. People may resist advice to avoid the stress, anxiety, or unknowns associated with doing something differently.

Then sometimes, advice doesn’t align with what we truly value or want. For example, if someone values stability over ambition, they may resist advice that pushes them toward riskier choices. And sometimes it just means that the person isn’t ready for the advice being given.

Question for the day: Think about why you avoid advice from others.